Movie Review: Ghost Rider

by Jon

Mark Steven Johnson should not be allowed to touch another Marvel franchise. He has contributed to the three worst recent Marvel films ever, Daredevil, Elektra, and now Ghost Rider. You would think studio execs would get a damn clue and realize the guy can’t direct, write, and should be relegated to second unit director. Harsh? Fuck no. This guy sucks at what he does, plain and simple.

I wanted so bad to like this film. I have a lot of friends who said the movie looked horrible, one in particular who had warned me “Dude this movie is going to blow, let’s watch something else”. Why I didn’t adhere to that advice is still beyond me. Ghost Rider does everything wrong, and I mean everything. It’s horribly directed, written, poorly paced, sub par CG, and the editing is astonishingly bad. The acting was vomit inducing trash, there were so many WTF moments in this film. I consider Nicolas Cage a pretty competent actor, and I enjoy most of his films.

It boggles my mind what compelled Cage to take this role. It had to be money, please Nic say it was money because it sure as hell couldn’t have been the script. We all know why Eva Mendez was in the movie. The actress is stunning and serves as a marvelous distraction from the shit you’re being subjected to.

The character of Ghost Rider himself seem like a really cool character. I never really read the comics, but I know people who have. Most of them say the character has enormous back story, and that the comic itself is pretty decent. Well this film adaptation apparently dropped the ball somewhere. The movie makes it very difficult to like Johnny Blaze. I mean they paint this supposed “bounty hunter for the devil” to be a complete pansy.

Blaze passes time by eating jelly beans out of martini glasses, listening to Karen Carpenter, and watching nature videos that feature monkeys. I wish I could say I was joking, but this is all in the film. The character has virtually no depth or development, and is very unlikable.

The performances were crap all across the board. This isn’t to say that all the actors completely sucked, after all they had a pretty lousy script to work with. Most of the dialog between characters consists of one liners, most of which don’t make any sense in the context of the situation. Cage did his best to salvage something out of a character that should kick ass, but fails miserably. Mendez has always been a talentless broad, but my God she is beautiful. One thing Johnson did right was waste half the film on gratuitous cleavage shots, which are breathtaking by the way.

The action sequences are equally boring, which surprised the hell out of me. I was really expecting to at least enjoy the action, and I was very wrong. There are no spiderman-like epic battles. Most of them are very short lived, bogged down by cliche bravado infused dialog instead of fighting each other and blowing shit up. I won’t get into how incredibly lame the villains are it but it’s basically a band of Hot Topic goth kids who want to play God.

If you want to waste 100 minutes of your life, or want to see how not to make a film check this out. Otherwise watch something else, anything else will do. Oh and Johnson, I want my fucking nine bucks back you hack.


~ by plugthis on February 17, 2007.

11 Responses to “Movie Review: Ghost Rider”

  1. wow, harsh and cold, I love it. Im still gonna check this out for two reasons:

    They only charge me 2 bucks to see it.

    I want to see how blatantly bad it is myself (its like a car crash, you cant refuse looking)

    awesome review dude, you certainly can write your ass off.

  2. Great review……I was going to write one this morning, but I’m happy to see you already did…so I don’t have to re-live that grotesque car wreck of entertainment in my mind another time.

    It made Dare Devil look like an Oscar nominee

  3. Am I the only one who enjoyed Daredevil…guess so lol

  4. Ernie you’re pretty lucky to watch it for 2 bucks. That’s not bad at all.

    Goffey I’m sorry dude, had no idea you wanted this as well. I’d love to hear what you thought of it.

    Mike, no you’re not the only one. The directors cut was watchable. But what the fuck? Michael Clark Duncan as kingpin?

    Thanks for all the kind words guys, I got a chubby. I kid, I kid.

  5. i had no intentions of seeing this film, your review just confirms my decision.

    i enoyed the director’s cut of daredevil despite ben affleck and the village people biker outfit daredevil sported. the directo’s cut was actually a completely diffeent story and had a lot more of frank miller’s influnce in it.

    michael clark duncan was great as kingpin. he embodied the whole persona very well. i think people get caught up on the race, but it really easy to look past when you just consider the what kingpin represents in essence.

  6. yea the directors cut of daredevil wasn’t bad at all, it was definitely better than the theatrical cut. Duncan was alright, I think there could have been a better casting choice, and has nothing to really do with race, for me at least.

  7. zak is gay

  8. I think everybody has different viewpoints so there is no question to comment on someone’s hard work. So whatever one like is good for only oneself. As per my viewpoint i entertained Ghost Rider a lot. But i am not saying that you all should like this 🙂

  9. It really did suck!

  10. I haven’t seen it yet, but my husband wants to. Thank God it is on DVD now, we won’t have to pay as much. I seen the previews and I was not impressed. After reading your review.. I have a feeling I will be reading a good book while the man is glued to the set. Your writting skills are awesome.. my son and I both laughed as we were reading it to my husband, hoping he would change his mind. hahaha (didn’t work, but was fun trying) ARG!! I have to be subjected to 50 minutes of Blah!

  11. I’ve wasted about 800 – 1000 minutes of my life watching this movie, only cos wes bentley is the sexiest man in the world and an awesome actor

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